At the end of every month we always gather up the litigation news from around the world to keep you abreast of the world of litigation.  Here is the news from March 2009.

Yesterday Apple announced a new program called Ripe that removes the Windows operating system from p.c.’s and replaces it with Ripe, a secure program that viruses can not host.

In response Microsoft released a security update called Shade, which prohibits Ripe from disengaging the latch code algorithm that it considers propriety in nature.

In other action, Adobe Systems Inc. (ADBE) issued a security alert for Acrobat users, an earnings warning and filed suit in New York Superior Court, Western District asking the court to enjoin Apple from releasing Ripe, alleging its virus protection programs would suffer irreparable financial harm. Wall Street traders showed support and Adobe’s stock price rose on the DOW.

The FDA today issue a recall of Bayer’s sale of the longest running billion dollar drug claiming there is no scientific research to support Bayer’s advertised claim that aspirin has any provable medical benefits.

In patent litigation the heirs of Einstein joined Russia’s energy Czar, Igor Sechin in the law suit against the major oil companies claiming they are owed royalties from all sales of energy related products as a result of Einstein’s discovery of the equation for energy, EMC2. The Russian Court is scheduled to hear the Defendants joint motion for summary judgment, the week after it writes the decision. Kremlin hard-liner-in-chief encouraged by the recent IPO of OAO Yukos said, “What the government of Russia did with OAO Yukos should be a model for developing nations around the world. Just look at Venezuela.  A hands off approach to the private sector will always encourage further investments and spurn development. ”  Mikhail Khodorkovsky, was unavailable for comment.

In other copyright infringement litigation the Institute of Mathematics in Greece sued the parent companies of Bakers Square and Village Inn Restaurants claiming the use of the phrases Pi Day, I love Pi and Pi a-la-mode infringe on it’s copyright of  the number 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841971693993751.  On March 14, 2009 the Court heard arguments on the defendant’s motion to dismiss. Counsel for the Defendants, A decision isn’t expected before the end of the summer. American Blue Ribbon Holdings, LLC, the holding company of Bakers Square issued a statement claiming this litigation is “un-American and frivolous.”

A derivative action against AIG by its shareholders sued the company claiming the CEO and Board of Director’s employment contracts included golden parachutes and were illegally entered into. Testimony is expected from Paul Onzi, Sr., the former CFO and distant cousin to Bernard Madoff, who was charged with fraud over subprime mortgage exposure. Mr. Onzi worked out a deal. In a document reviewed, the allegations are made the contracts included a provision removing any requirement of good faith and fair dealing. In other news Andrew Cuomo, the assistant A.G. for the State of New York Attorney General charged executives at AIG with indecent exposure for their role in the subprime mortgage investments.

Lance Armstrong’s fractured clavicle will not keep him out of the Tour de France. In a move intended to maintain Team US Postal Service, Armstrong lured Shawn Johnson away from Dancing With The Stars to replace him while his shoulder mends. The announcement was made on Armstrong’s blog, On Tour With Lance. Johnson was not available for comment, but sources close to Johnson revealed she is excited about the challenge that lies ahead. When asked if Johnson had commented about her early departure from DWTS the Valley High School students said, “She wanted to kick some Texas a___ but felt committed to riding for Team USPS in the mountains.” Word has it Armstrong’s cycle is being retrofitted with booster pedals.  The producers of DWTS said an announcement will be made soon hinting that Miley Cyrus was leaving the Disney Channel.

The American Medical Association has joined Allergan, Inc. (AGN) in a suit filed by Real Housewives of NYC stars in defending the use of botox on middle aged women. Kelly Killoren Bensimon, a member of the cast who is not a plaintiff disclosed the women were asking for an injunction against further use of botox injections saying, “Botox is killing the tissue cells that make facial muscles contract to form facial expressions resulting in marital discord.” The suit claims women all over the world are being irreparable harmed by their husbands not being able to see facial expressions allowing them to know when their wives are angry rather than just bitchy. They claim they are being ignored and that further diverted attention will cause irreparable harm.  The NY Court sitting in New Jersey issued a temporary restraining order against the maker of botox. Allergent’s stock price rose after hours making the CEO smile, although no one could tell he was happy.

In other litigation Jillian Ryrcoft sued ABC, the producer of The Bachelor for breach of contract when ABC cancelled her contract for the upcoming show claiming she wasn’t capable of being a contestant. ABC produced a medical record indicating Jillian’s tear ducts had been injured in a car accident when the air bag deployed striking her face and causing myocrytosis, a rare but debilitating condition not allowing a person to sob. Fans expressed outrage threatening to wait out a season.

The ATRA, The American Tort Reform Association, contributed $6,000,000 USD to Senator M.O. Buyme, senior senator from Texas. Senator Buyme introduced a bill removing all tort reforms over the past 5 years in a bill that would make all litigation on a contingent fee basis and require all attorney fees to be at 99% of the recovery. Senator Buyme was quoted as saying, “We figgued, if you can’t beat em why not join em. This bill will do more than any previous measure to stop litigants from even thinking about seeing an attorney.” A spokesperson for the American Trial Lawyers Association, now known as “Consumed and Abused Lawyers for Just-ass!” said they were happy with the measure and would contribute a significant sum to the Senator’s Campaign war chest now having a balance of $700 Billion USD. The AMA declined to comment.

And finally President Obama announced he is not actually black. When asked on 60 Minutes how he liked being the first black U.S. President, he stated: “Actually I’m not black. I’m neither white or black. I have a black father and a white mother, a fact which makes me neither white nor black.” A stunned Mike Wallace sat with his mouth gaping open and Obama continued: “Mike, didn’t your mother teach you the colors? I learned my colors in kindergarten. Yes we can!”  A spokesperson for Western Hills Elementary School in West Des Moines, Iowa said, “President Obama is correct that white is the absence of color and black the blending of all colors. Or is it the other way around?” The Color Professor, J.L. Morton painted a different picture by saying, “Just know that color matters.” College students across the United States afraid that financial aid for minorities would come to a halt for students of mixed race parents have formed Black and White Color Committees for the purpose of reforming kindergarten lesson plans. Miss Black USA and Miss Black Iowa, the organizations that run beauty pageants for single black women, both denied any of their contestants were gray or grey. A spokeswoman for Miss Black Iowa stated: “Our website is designed only in back, white and grey colors to avoid anyone really knowing.”  In protest caucasions across America vowed to turn off their color television sets and instead play chess.

For those of you that will find something offensive in the last news entry just know I voted for President Obama.


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