American Politics - Melting down public opinion at the U.S. Treasury. How Hanks hankie and some crocodile tears made Congress weep and Wall Street jump for joy.

They called us ambulance chasers. How insulting can you get? I can't tell you how mad I was hearing that insult hurled our way. Me the guy who simply fights with insurance companies called an ambulance chaser. Well it's over. Finished. We trial lawyers will no longer have to be the ones they refer too when they yell ambulance chaser. Once and for all the trial lawyers of America can put behind them the unmitigated shame of being referred to as just a bunch of ambulance chasers. Yes we are free! Washington and the Bush Administration have saved us from the Cliffs of Insanity. What is going on at the U.S. Treasury has to be the largest frivolous claim I've experienced in 54 years of being on this earth. The true ambulance chasers are in Washington at the vault of the U.S. Treasury. The worst offenders sit in the White House.

Act I: Someone says to the trial lawyer, "You're just a bunch of ambulance chasers." The lawyer comes back with "I hate being referred to as an ambulance chaser because I'm always there before the ambulance arrives!" My former mother-in-law, Betty just loved that joke.

Nothing the trial lawyers have ever done can match the lack of integrity and comedic tragedy in Congress and the White House. The politicians in Washington are literally giving our country away and we are doing nothing to stop them. Billion by billion they are lining the pockets of their crony friends who send the tassel loafer lobbyists to do their bidding. First we heard just $700 billion then the brakes came on and we were told that estimate was just a wee bit short. Then we paused to catch our breath and we hardly could hear ourselves think for the drum of feet beating to the Wall Street bank lawyers' offices to officially change to the kind of lender that could get a piece of the $700 billion action.

Act II: Listen you can hear the whispers. Shhhhh listen you've got to listen harder.

"But wait the public didn't say a damn thing - look they went back to sleep! Can you believe they bought it? Hook, line and sinker! A $700 billion baited line with the scent of stink all over it and they just went back to work! It's a $1 trillion dollar payday; the friggin lotto man!" A payday that will surely line the pockets of every millionaire hedge fund junkey with an investment bank needle in his arm, a syringe full of liars' loans and with the unmitigated gall to still put out their hands asking for us to give it back to them; from the U.S. Treasury no less. I think we are collectively dumber than I ever thought possible.

Who are we rescuing? We are rescuing us from whom? This bail out bonanza explanation can be compared to you giving your kid the families check book to pay back his credit card company; the same ones that hooked him into years of irresponsible debt; and then being told you have to do it because if you don't the credit card company might have to raise the fees you are charged to responsibly use your credit card.

"Oh my you mean if I don't fork over $60,000.00 to MasterCard my fees might go up $2.00 per month for five years? How much time do I have to write the check? Okay, I'm hurrying! Point me in the direction of the cliff so I'm not the last lemming to jump!"

Huh? Are we that naïve? Have we lost our minds?

Let's understand what really went on -

Okay so let me see if I understand this, the hedge fund guys borrowed from the brokerage houses in amounts that they couldn't realistically pay back. The brokerages houses believed the collateral would never go down and in fact would continue to inflate in price, so they lent the hedge fund guys more than they could pay back based on a false assumption. The housing market overbuilt by the lenders who gave stupid loans to developers who would not be able to pay back those amounts put them in a pinch. The value of the oversupplied homes fell and began to lose value; the loss in value of the loan collateral caused one lender to call in the loans, which caused the hedge fund to have a fire sale of stock, which had the effect of causing stock prices to fall. Which placed the loans that should never have been made, at greater risk which caused the lenders to call in more loans which caused more stock sales, which cause stock prices to fall even more? Do I have that right?

Then the feeding frenzy was on. And mostly because the other bets made by the hedge funds, shorting stock, caused the lenders' collateral to lose even more value and at a faster rate. That made one bank calling in a big huge bad loan, turn into many banks that all were doing the same bets and now the hedge fund guys may have lost a bunch of money that they really didn't need. I say maybe because no one has proven they actually lost money. Have you seen one hedge fund guy take the witness stand to say hey I lost money! Even if they did would you care if a guy worth $100,000,000.00 lost $10,000,000.00? I wouldn't.

So did they lose money? M-O-N-E-Y like you and I have saved. Real sweat earned hard dollars. NO of course not. How come no is saying hey wait a second, you don't get billions of dollars from the U.S. Treasury without more of an investigation! If we did that we'd be stupid! Who can point out one hedge fund billionaire that is losing their house or car?

Are we being scammed? And I thought Y2K was the biggest scam I'd seen in my lifetime. It pales compared to the run on the Treasury of 2008.

Okay so Wall Street comes a running to Washington, well kind of comes running. They really don't have to come running when the main guy at Treasury is running interference and shouting out, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!" And the Congress is too busy looking up at the sky to open their eyes and turn on their brains. They just say, oh my we didn't see this coming, probably because of all the lobbyists that were visiting us with campaign contributions kept us busy from doing our job, and we don't want any real investigation because that finger could get pointed right back at us.

Act III: Wall Street now is fat and happy so they pass the hat over to Detroit and they say, "So let's do it again. This time send in the boys from Car City. Don't just send them in, heck fly them in first class. Anyone with the balls big enough to sit in front of the U.S. Congress and the American people and to ask for billions has got to have his last meal in style."

You are all seeing the best ambulance chasers I've ever seen. Heck they put the trial lawyers to shame. We look like mere amateurs compared to the Wall Street and Detroit Ambulance Chasers. I represent working stiffs not hedge fund millionaires. How was I to know? The way Wall Street and Car City are gaming the Congress and the American public these guys put us lawyers to shame.

I don't know about you but as a tax payer I want my share before the U.S. Treasury coffers run dry. To assure my fellow tax payers there will be something for everyone I've listed the U.S. Treasury Garage Sale on Craigslist. Please add your name and hometown to the comments section of this blog so I know where to send your share of the money we make.

And put those Garage Sale yard signs in Chinese, Russian and Arabic because they are the only one's with the cash to shop till they drop; from melamine poison that is.

HanksList: U.S. Treasury Department Garage Sale: All Integrity Must Go.

Garage Sale at the US Treasury

I guess you could call the wife and me empty nesters. The kids and our savings have flown the coup and are all gone! At last we are without a car, cane, clue or Congress.  Our nest egg evaporated overnight along with our caring about what might happen next. We've discussed it and are selling it all at a garage sale that will take place at 8:00 A.M. sharp the day after Thanksgiving. EVERYTHING MUST GO! We live in a quaint little section of West Des Moines, Iowa where the few neighbors whose homes haven't yet been foreclosed on will welcome you with open arms, sad faces, empty pockets and no way to retire.

We have a lot for sale so come early - the first few bargain beggars will get the lion's share of the U.S. Treasury bullion. Some of the items for sale include: boxes and boxes of lobbyists for Big Pharma that have never been opened and are still in the box; more than one hundred Congressman that look pretty, but for us, have never worked; the entire Cabinet collection that wet their pants on voice command from the President; a talking doll of the President that babbles incoherently and hasn't worked for the better part of eight years; a trunk full of integrity that was packed away in the attic and hasn't been touched, used or seen in almost a decade; we have bins, of more deregulation than you can use in a lifetime; there is a porcelain doll in traditional Alaskan dress that talks, talks and talks without saying anything; and many more smaller items that you'd miss if you weren't reading the fine print. All in all this is the largest U.S. Treasury garage sale you will ever experience. The neighbors think we are bailing out too soon and too many but we are bound and determined to empty our coffers before most American's wake up to the raid on the Treasury. This is a coup d'etat like you've never seen before the election of 2000. It's a raid on the Treasury that will surprise and embarrass even the most ardent socialist. If you have questions I'll be the guy in the straight jacket, the same one used by the Mormons to tie up the gays in California. It's a wonderful shade of ivory and can distract many from the real problems of the world while focusing attention on something that shouldn't matter. As a lawyer I'm planning on having a post gay garage prenuptial divorce sale once the gays figure out what marriage is all about!

We left nothing to the imagination and have opened every box, trunk and suitcase but weren't able to find any truth, integrity or honesty. So don't come to this garage sale looking for those character traits - because they are in short supply; a supply as short as FDA inspectors in a Chinese food processing plant.

On the table to the north we will have a wonderful selection of wall paper scraps. They may look like cheap worthless stock certificates but consider what they used to represent. You'll be the envy of all your guests when they visit the outhouse and you've wall papered the interior with the Martha Stewart Wall Street Toilet Paper Portfolio Collection, sold only at Tear and Throw up, the company that bought Sears and Roebuck. You won't find this collection in any other government treasury!

Oh I almost forget the back sale! In the back yard we have two Lear jets for sale. They have been used sparingly and are from the poorer section of Detroit's finest neighborhoods. They are being sold as-is without guarantee or any promises of the quality. Each jet has obsolescence engineered into the design. These won't last long. Please keep in mind when looking over these rare gems that $10 or $20 million doesn't go as far as it used to.

We have two homes for sale. The first is a large White House with wonderful sunsets - we hear a sunset to die for is coming up in January 2009! Please don't disturb the babbling idiot on the porch. We try to keep him locked away but he has a way of getting out and causing trouble in the hood.

The second home we have for sale is a second home that has hardly been used for anything useful. The large dome was a necessary design feature for the hot air to escape. Once again shown by appointment only as this house is still occupied and we don't want to awaken the sleeping residents who shouldn't be there much longer.

All in all there are billions to be had! So come, be early and get ready to beg, borrow or steal! We accept checks from the local Liars Savings and Loan or from Bankrupt Bank Buyers and Bilkers. Just say you have the money and we are all ears. Begging your pardon, when backing out of the drive way be very careful you don't back over our favorite pet dog Clemency. See you in the hood!